The Idiot's Guide to Life
by brokenseraphim
Summary: Meet Yagami Light, your perfect guy who's the best at everything he does, until he meets his new roommate and rival: L Lawliet. Now Light's out to show the world who's boss--thing is, falling in love with him was never apart of the plan. AU: L x Light
1. First Impressions Count

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Death Note, otherwise L and Light would be doing something much more "fun" than investigating while they're handcuffed to each other.

Note: this story is co-written by brokenseraphim and sporkable, thank you very much.

**The Idiot's Guide to Life**

**Chapter 1: First Impressions Count**

Two hours had passed, two precious hours, and here he was stuck in this pointless, moronic ceremony, and Yagami Light was not happy about it. The genius muttered darkly under his breath, mentally rolling his eyes at the redundancy of such events. So far, the entire time he had spent here, sitting straight, and smiling to the point where his cheek muscles were burning, was accompanied by nothing more than worthless ramblings about what a great school To-Ou University was, and supposedly how honored they were to accept the year's new freshmen class.

Shifting slightly in his seat, the eldest Yagami sibling let his eyes subtly roam the auditorium. The crowds were filled with the usual: crying parents, beaming future students and the polite senpais that sat on the other side of the room. Silently, he scoffed. Those tears were obviously fake; those smiles were probably more phony than his own, and those manners, clearly feigned.

However, Light noted, one person did not seem fraud, one person who—with his worn jeans and untied sneakers--did not seem fake. Rude, he might have been, with his uncombed hair, chocolate wrappers and his legs brought up to rest against the chair like a damned frog—but definitely genuine, and that itself intrigued the auburn haired teen.

As always, Light's train of thought was interrupted by some being he found unworthy. It was the cue for his University debut. Slightly irritated, but smiling wider than ever, he straightened himself, and with a nod to his family made his way towards the stage. When he finally managed to reach the podium, a walk which he deemed unnecessarily tedious, he turned towards the crowd, and they applauded as he gave them a smile. He was stuck in a room fool of frauds, people who were too dense to even understand themselves, and he, himself was one of them. Such a pathetic world humans had created.

The hazel-eyed Einstein stood at attention as the University's headmaster introduced him, the exact image of the perfect, pampered, private school student that so many thought he was. "It is my pride, to announce the freshmen class's representative, Yagami Light."

"Here." Resisting the urge to sneer, Light walked up to the podium, taking up the empty space next to the elderly man. Pride? The man had no pride. The possible grandpa was merely trying to get on his good side; after all, it was he who would bring true fame and glory to this university. Headmaster Kobayashi was only using the eighteen-year old for his own self-regard, but of course, Light would never have that happen. If anything, _he _was going to use the old coot.

Taking a second to smile at the new college student, Kobayashi turned back towards the audience, "And second freshmen class representative, L Lawliet."

"Ah? Oh, here…"

Light suppressed the urge raise a brow in confusion, as he watched the untidy, raven tread his way towards the platform. He had heard that he had to share the freshmen's address with another student, but he couldn't believe that it was to be with this guy of all people.

The Headmaster's voice boomed through the auditorium once more, taking Light's attention away from the approaching student, "Well now that I have these two ingenious young men next to me, I would like to announce that Yagami Light and L Lawliet, two _equally_ brilliant students have _both_, for the first time ever, scored a perfect on their entrance exams into To-Ou University."

He froze, smile attempting to escape from his face, the young genius had predicted every second of this ceremony, but this definitely was not part of his prediction. Yagami bit his lip as he forced himself not to break out yelling out at the old man. If those fools who set this whole ceremony up thought that this rude moron could possibly be on par with him, Yagami Light, they were dead wrong. There was no possible way that anyone was even close to being at his level, not to mention being on the same. It was _impossible_!

L nodded at the headmaster, and replaced the aged man at his place at the podium. Light looked at his fellow peer, scrutinizing this new rival of his, smiling even though he would have much rather have circled his hands around that pale white neck of his. Playing the role of the perfect student once more, Light offered out his hand to the newcomer who cocked his head to the side slightly, almost in question, and they stared at each other.

The brunette felt his anger start to fester up as he examined L. There was something different about this man, something about him that he had never seen in anyone before other than his black bags and unusual posture. For some reason, in the first time in his life, Light could not read someone.

After their little staring contest, L finally grasped his hand. Outwardly the tension seemed to have dispersed, but Light knew better. If anything, the tension had only grown, as had his rage. With a nod to each other, the two turned to face the crowd.

Holding up the large sheet of paper that had been given to him, Light cleared his throat, "New life begins to blossom in the breath of spring, yearns for the sun of summer, endures the winds of autumn, and finally wilts in the bitter cold of winter—only to be born anew. Finally, we, the soon to be Freshmen of To-Ou University, will be able to stretch our roots into the fertile soil that they offer us, and there, create our own foundation. Today, we look forward to four, privileged years and the future that the staff, teachers, and fellow peers will help us create. Freshmen Representative, Yagami Light."

Handing the paper to Lawliet, Light turned back to the mass before them. He felt his eyes narrow slightly, that damned L! Throughout the entire time that he had used to present the speech the black-eyed sore had contaminated his thoughts, Yagami could think of nothing but of him. He glanced at his fellow representative through the corner of his eyes. The incompetent fool was holding the paper by 

the corners, the same as how anyone would hold a piece of trash, and drawling out the words that were written there monotonously. It was obvious that he couldn't care less.

The idiot was either trying to insult the school and everyone here, or he was completely insane—but Light doubted that either was the case. He gritted his teeth, what was with this imbecile that managed to rile him up so easily? But honestly, Light knew what it was. This man, this L Lawliet, was someone who threatened to overthrow him from his seat—his throne—and he would rather burn down everything that he had built up till now than let this nitwit steal it away from him.

Before he knew it, L had finished and the crowd was applauding them and Light immediately bowed, having to keep his reputation in check, but his partner did nothing other than scratch his head, staring blankly back. The two geniuses shook hands with Headmaster Kobayashi before descending the stairs together, the applause starting to fade away.

Light, who had been too deeply immersed in his thoughts on the person trailing behind him almost let his surprise show on his face, as L's soft voice reached him, "Yagami-kun, I'll look forward to…seeing you around."

Light merely tilted his head slightly towards the obviously sleep-deprived teen, letting a fake smile take over his face, "As will I, Lawliet-kun." Then the two complete opposites headed their separate ways towards their respective seats.

Accepting a "Congratulations" from his father as he reached him, Light sat himself back onto the softly cushioned chair. Clenching his jaw, Light twisted his fingers in his pressed suit pants. How dare that arrogant prick, address him as if they were even vaguely close? Letting his eyes travel towards his newly confirmed enemy, the brunette silently made a promise to himself. This L—and the rest of these people for that matter, thought that they were on the same level, and by the end of this school year, he will show them all that Yagami Light has conquered L Lawliet.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

'Ridiculous' thought the spiky, black haired man 'simply ridiculous.' Being stuck in an elevator crammed with twenty people and their luggage was, indeed, ridiculous. Or so it was to L Lawliet. The young adult cursed his carelessness—if only he had come to check exactly how many students were moving into their dorms today he wouldn't be stuck here, claustrophobic, with a metal railing digging into his side, ten people breathing down his neck, and he could have sworn he felt someone grab his ass.

It had been a few days since the opening ceremony and during that time, L had asked Watari to make about twenty trips to fifteen different candy stores everyday to pick up as many of his precious sugary delights as he could before he moved into his dorm room. Now, he stood inside an incredibly small and incredibly cramped elevator, watching the lights above the door flicker from one number to the next as it slowly ascended up to his floor. Annoyance picked away at his patience as the minutes crept by, the elevator stopping occasionally, allowing one or two people to exit and five more to pile in, and it had yet to arrive at his floor. All this waiting was starting to gnaw away at his patience, but L, being L, kept his 

blank expression of indifference. Nibbling on one of his many candy bars, L leaned his shoulder against the corner he had been forced into, trying to put some distance between him and the rest of the students inside the elevator.

He scratched at his arm irritably as another bothersome thought popped up. What a pain it would be now that he didn't have Watari with him, the damned school said it was illegal to allow the old man to stay with him. Which, of course, L found completely unreasonable, because, not only did this mean he would have to start shopping for himself, it also meant he would actually have to clean up after himself, wash his own clothes, and much, much more. Placing the tip of his index finger in his mouth, L lifted his gaze up at the ceiling, lost in his troubled thoughts. The only way to he could get out of this was to stop eating sweets…

He froze.

No...sugar?

Immediately, L felt panic starting to rise in his stomach. Life with no sugar--NO, that could not happen, that would be much too cruel! He wrapped his hands around himself slightly for comfort. No candy, no candy, no candy. L had nightmares of that phrase ever since he was a child and right now, he certainly felt like a child. The very thought of not being able to eat a slice of cake every fifteen minutes sent chills up his spine and his heart racing, but to last an entire SEMESTER without sweets?! L felt himself die a little bit on the inside. Breathing out slowly, L attempted to calm himself, but the mere thought of a life with no sweets was making his face twitch and the more he thought about it, the more he twitched, until it seemed his entire face was having a spasm.

The unfortunate soul standing beside the disturbed genius, a pimpled young man by the name of Greg, noticed this and began to feel extremely uneasy. Was this guy having some sort of facial seizure or something?! What if he died and fell on him?! Coughing nervously, Greg stepped as much as possible to the side, putting his leather suitcase in between him and the candy-chewing man.

Not aware of his twitching and the few odd stares he was receiving, the raven haired teen reached behind himself and began stroking the bottom of his backpack affectionately, or not really the backpack, but the contents inside it. In his hand, L held a small suitcase which contained his clothes, and slung over his shoulder was a bag which held his laptop. His large backpack, though, protected something much more important than his laptop and clothes put together. Candy. All the candy he had bought from those candy stores and any leftovers from home, he had stuffed into that backpack. How he managed to fit all of it into one backpack was a mystery.

The freshmen representative scratched the back of his head in frustration; he couldn't just leave his precious sweets to go to waste. But if he didn't, physical labor was just around the corner. Damn it, why did life always have to be so difficult?

A soft 'ding' brought L out of his thoughts and back into the real world. He glanced up at the numbers, and inwardly sighed, finally they had reached his floor. Sticking the rest of the chocolate bar in his mouth, he shoved his hand into his jean pocket and walked past the others, overjoyed that he was finally able to leave the crowded elevator.

Seeing the genius walk off, Greg sighed with relief, smearing his hand across his acne covered face. Any longer and that baggy eyed weirdo might have keeled over from all that twitching.

L made his way down the long, carpeted hallway, walking slowly as he scanned the many doors on each side of him, hoping to find his room, and soon. Despite how crowded the elevator was, the hallway was rather empty, save for one or two students passing by every now and again. Suddenly, sleep deprived eyes caught sight of the numbers he was looking for. Reaching into his back pocket, L took out his card key and swiped it through the card lock. A green button lit immediately followed quickly by the sound of an unlocking door. Grabbing the door knob, L twisted the shiny brass handle and pushed the door open. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. The first thing that greeted him was the scent of stale cologne and old socks, not exactly his favorite smell. Looking around, he was disappointed to see that the dorm room was rather small. To his left was a closet; to his right, an incredibly small "kitchen" with a tiny fridge and microwave, and straight ahead, twin beds and a door leading to the bathroom.

Slipping off his sneakers, L walked to the nearest bed and scanned the room. No bags or accessories were laid out which meant that his roommate hadn't arrive yet.

Setting his luggage onto the mattress, the insomniac climbed on and sank down into his odd sitting position. Unzipping his backpack, he pulled out a handful of lollipops, mints, fun sized candy bars and other miscellaneous sweets. He opened a package of butterscotch and tossed a piece into his mouth whilst cradling the rest in his arm, glancing around the room curiously. After eating his fill, L stood up slowly, careful not to bump his head on the bunk above him. Muttering the word 'bath,' he opened his suitcase and took out his neatly folded jeans and t-shirt, grabbed another handful of candy, and headed towards the restroom, shutting the door behind him.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Anger was slowly beginning to rise in the brunette's chest and he felt someone jab their elbow into his side. He heard them mutter a soft apology which he responded with a small nod of his head and a smile although he wanted more than anything to smack the living daylights out of the bastard. Slipping his hand into his pocket, Light Yagami closed his eyes for a moment, trying to suppress his rage which was growing with each passing minute he was forced to stay inside this ridiculously small elevator with a bunch of imbeciles. Seconds passed, then minutes and Light was finding it harder to keep from punching the next person that touched him. Finally, his anger peaked, but before he could shout, there was a small ding and the elevator doors slid open. The genius cast a glance up at the numbers. Yes, this was his floor, 'About damn time!' Exiting the elevator eagerly, Light strolled down the hall, searching for his room number.

After a few minutes of searching, the eighteen year old caught sight of his dorm room. Before he could reach for his card key, Light noticed that the green light was flashing and the door was opened a crack. Raising a brow, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. One word popped into his mind, 'pathetic.' Light had heard about how small dorms rooms could, be particularly for freshmen, but the place looked like a prison cell! Looking around, the brunette noticed a pair of sneakers. Ah, that's right; he'd almost forgotten he had a roommate. He couldn't help but sigh in frustration. What unworthy idiot would he be stuck with now? Removing his dress shoes, Light made his way down the hall and into the bedroom. A backpack, suitcase and bag lay on one of the beds and shoes at the doorway, and wrappers were scattered on the floor, but no one was in sight. The freshmen rubbed his temples irritably, by the look of things; the guy didn't have any sense of the word "clean." Whoever it was, they must have gone out for 

a bit and when they returned, he'd have to put on his fake smile for them and be polite, how annoying, but nothing he wasn't use to. He set his suitcase down and ran his hand through his auburn hair and a thought suddenly popped up. He needed to urinate, badly. Making his way towards the bathroom, Light grabbed the handle and pulled the door open.

The sight that made him made his irritated expression disappeared be replaced with a look of complete and utter surprise taking its place. The hair on his neck rose while his face flushed a deep tomato red as brown orbs locked onto those of black. Inside the small tub before him sat a very wet and very naked Lawliet, the insomniac's usual calm, blank expression now mirroring the expression of Light's.

"…Ah, Yagami-kun, this is rather…unexpected."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

…Well, that was rather shittastic…Anyways thanks for reading, and remember to review –winkity wink wink- Hopefully the next chapter will be better DX.

-brokenseraphim & sporkable


	2. Greet New Friends with a Smile

Summary: Meet Yagami Light, your perfect guy who's the best at everything he does, until he meets his new roommate: L Lawliet. Now Light's out to show the world who's boss--thing is, falling in love was never a part of the plan. AU: L x Light

**WARNING: This is a YAOI fic which means guy on guy love. Don't like, don't read. Simple.**

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Death Note, otherwise L and Light would be doing something much more "fun" than investigating while they're handcuffed to each other.

Note: this story is co-written by brokenseraphim and sporkable, thank you very much.

**The Idiot's Guide to Life**

**Chapter 2: Greet New Friends with a Smile**

Light breathed slowly through his nose, running his fingers through his sleek, auburn hair. It was much too early in the morning for him to be irritated, especially since it was Saturday; yet, here he was, tapping his fingers on the bathroom sink as his annoyance bubbled dangerously high. 'Damn this meeting' Light thought, rubbing his eyes irritably. As if he didn't have enough problems already, he gets an invitation to a mandatory meet for the class representatives. The eighteen year old gritted his teeth, annoyance quickly morphing into frustration. Realizing that he was allowing his temper to get the best of him, Light shook his head, trying to calm himself. Turning his gaze towards the mirror in front of him, he brushed off his already clean beige suit and straightened his tie. If he really had to attend this pointless meeting, he might as well give off the impression that he cared. Oh well, there were down sides to being a genius, and Light being the perfect student he was planned on striving through ever single one of them.

The freshmen representative lifted up his sleeve to check his watch, 9:15. The meeting would begin in fifteen minutes. Checking himself in the mirror again quickly, Light strolled out of the restroom and towards his bed, sitting down to slip on his shoes.

Two weeks had passed since he had moved into this cell of a dorm room, and two weeks since he'd actually gotten some peace of mind. The work he received from his professors were, surprisingly, much less than the workload he'd gotten as a high school student, leaving him with quite a bit of free time. But Light, aiming to be the top of his class, devoted most of that free time to studying, even staying up late at night at times, only allowing himself to rest over the weekend—and this damned meeting was interrupting his allotted rest time.

Not to mention, it seemed not once in those past fourteen days that Light was not awoken by the feeling of eyes burning into the back of his neck—it was as Light had feared, L, was an insomniac. Not once had the brown eyed genius seen the sugar crazy man sleep, although he would catch him with his eyes closed for a few minutes sitting in that strange frog-like position of his. Once, he could have sworn he heard a soft moan emit from the baggy eyed raven's throat. Whether or not it was his imagination, he couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on in that weirdo's head. To put it simply, Light was disturbed.

Suddenly, there was a creak from the bunk above him and a messy, coal black head appeared before him, black eyes peering into his own—speak of the devil. "Yagami-kun, " L began, his tongue dancing around a sugar induced sweet, "Are you heading out for the meeting?."

Light, who had already grown accustomed to L's sudden appearances from the top bunk, nodded without looking up from his shoe. "Yeah," he said coolly, "it should take a few minutes to get there. Would you like to walk with me?"

L cocked his head to the side, messy hair swinging, "It'd be my pleasure, Yagami-kun."

L leapt off the top bunk, landing softly on his feet, hands in his pockets. Lifting himself off the bed, Light walked beside the candy addict who had then slipped on his tennis shoes leaving the laces untied as he followed his roommate out of the dorm, shutting door behind him.

Light silently cursed his charismatic self, if it was truly up to him, he would have locked the bastard up in the cupboard a long while back. Catching a wave and a "Hello, Light-kun!" from a passing student, Light immediately ordered the corner of his lips to rise and lifted his hand in acknowledgement. Damn his charismatic self indeed.

His social life, was as it had always been, growing bigger and faster by the minute. Being the polite, kind, caring, smart, and handsome gentleman he had been raised and portrayed himself to be, his number of admirers, fangirls, and "friends" seemed absolutely endless. Around campus, he'd be greeted with an "Oi, Light-kun!" or "Heya, Yagami-kun!" by people he'd never seen, and, it seemed, no matter where he went, there'd always be people following him or trying to start conversations with him as if they were the best of friends. Light scoffed, irritated by the fact that all he could do was play along with their little charade as if he actually knew, let alone cared about who these people were.

The auburn haired teen inwardly grumbled as he continued to maneuver his way through the busy walkways of his university. All around him, students were talking and socializing—some heading in the directions of their next class, others merely occupying space. Light suppressed the urge to snort in disgust. All of these people, every single one of them, were wasting their time with their studies. If they weren't going to put all they were worth into becoming number one, what was the whole point of them being there?

Of course, even if they did put effort into it, it'd be pointless as well, he'd beat them to it. All of them, compared to him, were moronic and unworthy; all of them, except one. Light felt his anger suddenly flare and the freshmen glanced over at his peer, who was now walking behind him, hunched over, thumb in mouth, dragging his feet across the ground. The hazel eyed genius could feel his rage bubble up slowly with each step he took. The adolescent never failed to make his insides boil.

How? he thought angrily, how could that man be his equal? Of all people, how could that untidy, sugar obsessed lunatic of a teen and him, Yagami Light, have scored even remotely close to each other on the entrance exam? Slipping his hands casually into his pockets, Light gritted his teeth finding it harder to keep a straight face.

'I'll show them' thought the eldest Yagami sibling bitterly before sending his rival a secret glare, 'I'll show all of them that I am better than that rude, childish—'

Light blinked, nearly stopping in his tracks. He glanced back again at L who was far too busy staring _down_ at god knows what, to notice the looks he was receiving from his roommate.

Light raised a brow. What was he looking at? He turned his head ever so slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of what the insomniac found so intriguing. He could feel the familiar feeling of the sugar addict's gaze burning into his back, or perhaps, some place lower than that…

"L," Light began, "is there something wrong?"

The spiky haired eighteen year old reluctantly tore his gaze away to look up at his peer, but not before stealing one last glance at the pampered freshmen's ass. "Oh no, not at all," L responded, "Although I should be the one asking you that question, Yagami-kun. You seem to be a bit troubled yourself."

Light slowed his pace, allowing L to fall into footstep beside him. "Oh, it's nothing," he answered, shrugging, "I'm just a little annoyed we have to go to this meeting. I needed to study."

The insomniac nodded, fiddling with a package of Lemonheads he had pulled out from his pocket. "Mm, I agree. I could be eating my chocolate cake right now if it weren't for the meeting; it is rather bothersome."

Light raised a brow, "But you're in some of my classes, correct? Shouldn't you be studying as well?"

Picking open the lid of the box, L reached in, pulling out one of the many small, yellow spheres and tossed it into his mouth. "I've never needed to study," he said after a short pause, swishing the Lemonhead about with his tongue, "I remember all the things that I've been taught, so studying would only be a bore and a waste of time."Light resisted the urge to let his jaw drop and slowly clenched his fist tightly inside his pockets. Not needing to study? Who the hell did this guy think he was? Despite his anger, Light smiled softly and nodded, directing his gaze forward without saying another word.

The rest of their trek went on in an awkward silence until they reached the meeting room. Grabbing the handle, the auburn haired teen pulled the door open, allowing L to shuffle in who muttered a soft thank you before entering. The sleep deprived teen took two steps into the room and froze, his blank, uncaring expression suddenly disappeared and his eyes grew wide, mouth hung open slightly."L, what're you waiting for?" Light inquired when the man suddenly stopped in his tracks, "Just go i—"

He stopped mid syllable once he had walked in himself. The meeting room, if you could really call it a meeting room, was double the size of any normal room the two had ever seen. Gigantic picture frames aligned the walls and two large windows, their clean, silk curtains pulled back neatly to allow the sunlight to filter in, took up a large portion of the side walls. To their right was a small bar and to their left, a lounge area with a huge plasma screen TV hung up near the corner along with couches, chairs, bean bags, and a small glass coffee table. Multiple gaming consoles, controllers, and DVD covers were scattered across the small area. Smack dab in the middle of the room was a long wooden table, big, black swivel chairs surrounding its outer sides, and, to top it all off, two throne-like chairs sat side by side of one another at the far end, and occupying those seats were the oddest assortment of students he had ever met.

"Ah! Our little freshmen smarties have arrived! Damn, both of them are hot. I'm gonna fuck you raw and make you scream my name over and over," exclaimed a voice that sounded far too happy to be in a place such as a meeting room, not to mention screaming such obscenities. The odd duo glanced up in surprise to see a man. A man, with side swept bangs and dyed hazel hair, his sleeveless hoodie, white wife beater tank top and expensive looking jeans held up with an equally expensive looking belt. One would be completely dumbfounded on how he could have gotten within even four feet of the room's radius without being pummeled to the floor by security guards…or squealing fangirls for that matter.

Quickly following the outburst was a loud smack that seemed to echo throughout the room as a shorter, more sophisticated looking girl standing beside the young adult slammed her fist into the back of his head. "Hiro! Stop trying to scare off the freshmen!" she shouted, her voice dripping with annoyance, "You can play with them later!"

"OoooWww, Yameru-chaaan, that huuuurt" whined the man addressed as Hiro to the woman as he rubbed the back of his head, "You don't have to be so violent all the tiiime"

"Well, maybe I'd stop if you start acting your age for once," She paused for a moment, "And keep that _thing _your pants too!" Giving a long, exasperated sigh, she mumbled softly, "Why is it always me?" She turned, body swiveling to meet gazes with L and Light, their eyes wide in obvious shock. "Welcome to the first class representative meeting of the semester," the raven haired girl said, her voice quaking as she tried her best to ignore the still complaining Hiro and the traumatized freshmens'expressions. "I am Kuroda Yameru, and that over there," she nodded her head disdainfully in the hazel haired man's direction, "is Akanishi Masahiro. _We_ are the senior class representatives." Light took a quick glance between the fashionably dressed man and then to the throne like chairs, with a guy like him as representative, it explained _everything_.

She pointed her fingers across the table at two men, "Those two are Stephen Gevanni and Teru Mikami, the junior representatives—beware of Mikami's "SAKUJO!" and Gevanni's urge to mate." Light didn't think he wanted to figure out just exactly what she meant, " And the two farthest down are the sophomores: Kiyoshi Yamaguchi—he's a bit odd…so give him a bit of space--and, last but not least, our new foreign exchange student from America, Greg—" Yameru stopped, staring at the pimpled teen, who expression was one of complete horror as he stared at the two freshmen.

"Greg?" Yameru called over to him, obviously puzzled, "Is there a…problem?"

The brunette continued to stare for a few seconds at the messy, black haired freshmen standing at the far end of the table. It was that freak from the elevator! A voice brought him out of his horrified thoughts, and he swallowed hard before turning to Yameru, forcing a smile. "N-no! O-of course not! Not at all! S-sorry, p-please continue," he stammered, bowing his head in apology repeatedly. Yameru raised a brow and looked at Hiro, who merely shrugged and shook his head. Sighing, the grey eyed girl turned back to L and Light, gesturing for them to sit at the two available chairs beside the sophomores.

Clearing his throat, Hiro held his hand up, signaling the beginning of the meeting.

Nodding, the raven haired girl sat down, back against the velvet cushioned, oversized chair, fingers carefully flipping through a pile of papers. After a few seconds, she picked one out and brought it close to her face, "Alright, I've been receiving a lot of complaints from the male populationabout the Yaoi club—which is as most of you know—the dreaded, underground cult where they stalk, rape, and squeal. Apparently many of them feel unsafe with so many of the fangirls wandering about, waiting to pounce at any moment. So, as a security measure, I have increased the number of highly trained, professional body guards."

Hiro smiled devilishly, "Of course, Meru-chan, what a wise decision you made, that'll most definitely delay the fanclub's—" Immediately, a fist connected with the side of his head followed by screams, shouts, and snickers. Light tensed, mentally rolling his eyes. Propping his chin in the palm of his head, he sighed silently. He might as well get comfortable; this was going to be a long meeting.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The meeting was becoming annoying. The thirty minutes that had passed seemed more like hours, and still, the meeting dragged on. L, honestly, didn't care much about the well being of things such as the clubs or extracurricular activities, though the martial arts and tennis club did perk his interests. Occasionally, he'd open his mouth to speak his opinion when asked, but for the most part he kept to himself, far more interested in the small candy bowl that he'd snatched from the middle of the table and was now happily munching away on the sweet little treasures that it held. Nonetheless, the candy chewing teen gave the meeting his full attention, or at least tried to.

Reaching into the little bowl, L felt around for another coffee drop only for his fingers to rub against smooth glass. Blinking, he peered in through the clear base of the bowl. Seeing nothing, he picked it up gingerly and turned it upside down, a few crumbs tumbling onto the shiny surface of the table. Fidgeting uncomfortably, he set the container down and reached into his pocket, feeling about for some sugar only to find crumbled up wrappers. Panic quickly took hold of his heart and he began to madly rummage through his pockets, dumping the wrinkled plastic wrappers onto the tiled floor of the meeting room in his search. Receiving an annoyed glower from Yameru, he stopped, placing his hands onto his knees, his panic escalating quickly, but he still attempted to keep a calm face. And thus, the twitching fest began.

Greg, fairly irritated by the noise of crinkled paper glanced over the freshmen beside him, but immediately regretted it. Again, that baggy eyed weirdo's face was twitching, even worse than in the elevator. Biting his lower lip, Greg quickly turned his gaze back towards the Yameru, shooting his hand into the air, cutting off the raven haired girl in mid sentence.

"Kuroda-senpai!" he practically shouted, his voice hinting obvious discomfort and fear. All eyes turned towards the frantic exchange student.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?!" Yameru grumbled, miffed by her title and the sudden interruption, "What is he problem _this_ time Greg?"

Brown eyes darted back at L, who was staring off into space, his face twitching so much that it couldn't possibly be healthy. Frightened, he blurted out without thinking, "May I use the restroom?!" He heard a snicker from beside the grey eyed girl.

"What the hell are you, a first grader?" Yameru replied, crossing her arms, "Be a big boy and hold it until the meeting's over." Turning back to the others, she sighed and he could see her lips form the words "danged foreigners" and resumed her sentence. Greg felt his cheeks go up like candles and he covered his face, muttering a soft, muffled "sorry" before sinking into his chair, trying not to pay any more attention to the spazzing insomniac beside him.

At long last, after nearly an hour and a half of discussing, shouting, and head concussions between the seniors, they were dismissed. Light lifted himself up from his chair, stretching his sore arms and legs before walking towards the door, pausing to wait for L. He watched as his roommate stepped off the chair and shuffled towards him quickly, as if he needed to go somewhere, and as soon as possible.

Allowing Lawliet to rush past him, Light nodded to Hiro and Yameru who were arguing for the umpteenth time that hour.

"Yameru, you talk too much," the metrosexual teased, "Your voice is so monotonous and you just kept droning on. My head hurts noooow"

"You better shut that hole in your face before I give your head a reason to be hurting!" Yameru bellowed. The auburn haired teen inwardly rolled his eyes. 'Imbeciles' he thought before shutting the door just before the loud smack of an open hand across a hazel head resounded off the meeting room walls.

He quickly caught up with L and together they walked a small distance away from the room before looking at each other. Nodding, they turned their backs to one another and hurried off in their different directions.

"These people," Light uttered softly, shoving his hands into his pockets, "are stupider than I had thought."

Walking as fast as he could to their dorm, L smiled to himself, placing his thumb in his mouth. 'CAKECAKECAKECAKECAKE' he thought eagerly.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Slamming the wooden door open a bit harsher than he meant to, L made a beeline for the fridge, his mouth starting to water at the thought of his awaiting chocolate smothered cake. Grabbing the handle of the refrigerator, he swung open the small silver door, and immediately he felt his heart drop—the cake was gone.

Muttering about his carelessness for forgetting he had eaten it yesterday, he headed towards the bedroom, in search of some extra sweets that might have been lying around. He had ripped open his backpack, bed sheets, and even bathroom cabinet, and the poor sugar deprived teen could find nothing. A month, the candy supply he brought was supposed to last a _month—_it had only been two weeks and it was completely gone. L went insane.

Sneakers clinging to his feet desperately the raven haired man sprinted out the dorm, not even bothering to use the elevator; he sped down the flights of stairs, managing to frighten a hand full of students, but at the moment, he couldn't care less. L was going to get his sugar, and he was going to get it _now._

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Light resisted the urge to sigh as he flipped through yet another thousand paged book, eyes idly skimming through the tiny words printed on the yellowing pages. The meeting, as he had foretold, was a complete waste of time. Thing is, not only was it a waste of time, but it had annoyed, and freaked him out to no end.

The seniors were the worse. The famous Kuroda was nothing more than an abusive, screaming girl in need of anger-management. Akanishi, on the other hand, Light found to be more of a threat. He had constantly sent flirtatious gestures towards the freshman, even announcing his will to penetrate him at several random times during the meeting—Light was not gay, he just didn't like woman, but that was only because they were overrated and bratty. Yes, Light, was a straight man…he just hadn't found his "type" yet.

The juniors though, he felt were quite tolerable, although the eye-glass wearing one kept repeating the word "Sakujo" over and over, and Light quickly found that it got on his nerves. Gevanni, he, like Mikami, had thought was a rather normal student. That is, until he started flirting with Akanishi and they had even started a tongue fest. But luckily, it ended quickly when Kuroda had finally looked up from her paper and proceeded to beat the living shit out of both of them, threatening that the next time that happened, she would personally castrate the two of them with a No. 2 pencil.

Light shook his head, eyes closed in concentration, as he tried to rid himself of the irritating thought, he almost wished now that he wasn't a student representative, witnessing such stupidity gave him a headache. Opening his eyes, he glanced across the table where he sat. 'Right', he groaned inwardly, 'I have yet another problem to deal with.'

When Light had reached his destination, the library, he had found to his disdain that every table was occupied with what seemed to be panicky procrastinators, and bumbling geeks. He had taken a seat at the table that seemed to be the least occupied, not wanting to deal with multiple idiots at once. Light was a genius, but he was no saint and could not promise to not harm the next dumbass to cross his path. That pointless meeting had already worn his patience down to its limits.

The only other occupant was a rather tall, but thin girl who's oddly colored grey hair, the tips dipped black, covered her face as she bent low over a textbook. At first, Light had expected the student to bombard him with questions upon sitting down, and try to make a conversation with him, but to his mild delight, the girl did neither. For an hour, the two had been able to sit quietly, each respecting each other's business. But soon enough, Light's peace was broken and he found himself stuck with quite the dilemma.

On all sides surrounding him, were tall bookcases, and behind each row of books, he could feel the intense stare of an unknown crowd. He had quickly deduced that they were all female, and he had expected them to attack on sight, but again he was proven wrong, and those creepy eyes merely continued to stare at him. Swiftly, he ran through possible reasons as to why they hadn't made a move yet, and the only reason he could find was that these were not ordinary fangirls. Oh no, from the information he had gathered from the meeting, these were definitely the legendary Yaoi Fangirls.

The auburn haired adolescent rolled his eyes. If they remotely thought they'd get any yaoi fanservice from him, they were dead wrong. Mind working quickly, he found the best solution to rid the gleaming eyes from his body. Legs crossed, back straight, he slowly examined the girl in front of him, eyes raking her body. She seemed pretty enough, and quiet, nevertheless. She was perfect for his plan.

Pushing a dusty textbook aside, he leaned forward, weight resting on his elbows that rested on the table's oak surface. Clearing his throat, he spoke, "Excuse me."

The girl's head snapped up, her wide dark grey, almost black eyes peered back at him, surprise written all over her face, "Y-yes?"

He gave her the sweetest, most charming smile he could muster, "I'm sorry for interrupting you, but would you mind helping me find my way back to my dorm room? I'm afraid I'm not quite use to this huge campus just yet."

Her face lit up, a smile dancing across her lips, "Oh! Of course, I wouldn't mind at all. I know this university like the back of my hand." Light inwardly smirked, so this girl was kind too—this was going to be much easier than he thought.

They both stood from the table, smiles gracing both their faces as they weaved their way of the large library—and Light made sure that they stood close enough so their shoulders would accidentally brush against each other. He mentally patted himself on the back, as a chorus of "OMG!"s and odd clicking noises followed the two on their way out—he really was a genius. The young Yagami didn't see why anyone would fear these fangirls so much when they were so easy to trick. Besides, he was as straight as a ruler, and _no one_ could change that.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Kuroda Toshi ran a hand through his night black hair in frustration as he strolled down the wide, bumbling hall. He couldn't believe he was stupid enough to make the same mistake twice in a row. Tilting his lips, he blew his bangs out of his eyes, hands in his jacket pockets—as his sister had told him long ago, Toshi failed at life. He mentally bashed himself for his idiocy. Somehow, someway Toshi was going to have to make it up to his brother, but apologizing was never his forte.

Muttering a snappy, irritated "excuse me" as he bumped into someone, he grumbled under his breath. His twin brother liked many things; in fact, it was a wonder what he didn't love. The poor boy was too nice and cute for his own good, and Toshi swore, one day he'd suffer for it, if he wasn't doing so already that is.

The college sophomore froze as he saw something in the corner of his eye, nose perking as the smell of sweet, sweet chocolate came drifting towards him, its scent teasing at his senses. That was it! The perfect way to make it up to his brother and avoid apologizing at the same time—cake, the world's gift to mankind. Pivoting on his sneaker clad foot, he walked over to the nearest cake store.

He entered the bakery, silently applauding himself for being such a genius, and slowly examined the glass windows protecting the baked goods from any weird, sugar-obsessed freaks that ate so much candy they couldn't sleep at night. Browsing through, Toshi felt his heart drop as he discovered that the item he was looking for was gone.

Sighing, he straightened himself. The campus had two more bakery stores, which meant Toshi still had a chance.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The 19-year old had to resist the urge to scream at the top of his lungs. THREE FUCKING STORES and all of them claimed that their chocolate fudge delight had been sold out to some black eyed freak that didn't know how to tie his shoes. The Kuroda continued to fume as he stomped his way back to his no doubt, empty dorm. Cursing his bad luck, he made a quick turn to the left, heading towards the dorms and out of this stupid "food court" hell.

It was again, the smell that caught his attention—that undeniable aroma of sugar induced cocoa batter, the smell of overpowering chocolate that made the stomach weep tears of joy and the mouth water. Toshi turned, eyes widening as he witnessed the sight before him. It was a monster like mountain of cakes; little white boxes piled up on each other one after the next. And there, just as all the cashiers had described him as was the cake thief, the one who had stolen Toshi's hope and diabetic joy.

Before he could fully comprehend what he was doing, the dark, grey-eyed Kuroda found himself in front of the younger teen arm outstretched, finger pointing in an accusing manner, mouth screaming, "YOU!! YOU BASTARD!"

The baggy-eyed adolescent blinked, his hand pulling out the strawberry lollipop he had been happily sucking on, obviously confused, "Well that's not really a nice thing to say."

The older student waved his hands in a rather deranged way, his voice louder than any banshee, drawing much more attention than necessary to himself, "Give me back my cake, you fiend!"

L blinked, the random student's words slowly registering in his head…the damned guy wanted his cake! The tall, lanky freshman backed up slowly, arms spread out in a defensive manner over his beloved sweets. His black eyes narrowed in suspicion, "It's mine."

Toshi felt his frustration level peak, anger about to make his head explode, and he sprinted forward, arm retracted in a fist, ready to land a hit. If this kid wanted to keep up a fight for this cake, then so be it. He'd do anything for his brother, and anything to keep from having to say "I'm sorry."

But before Toshi could even take three steps, he felt pain burst through his back and the impact of an unmistakable foot between his shoulder blades. His body toppled forward, crumpling unceremoniously to the marble floor. The young Kuroda wiggled, shifting, anything to get that damned weight off his back, but all was futile. Giving up, he let his body go limp and twisted his neck, looking at his attacker. "Dammit, get off me, you bitch!"

Yameru stared back at him, rolling your eyes, "Don't call your sister a bitch, you asshole." She pressed her foot harder into his back, using her weight to keep her younger brother down, "and what the hell are you thinking, trying to attack a student in the middle of the food hall?"

Masahiro appeared over the shorter girl's shoulder, face grinning, "Now, now Meru-chan, don't be so mean. At this rate you're going to actually hurt him." Grumbling, the senior did as her childhood friend said and lifted her foot off the dark-eyed sophomore.

Huffing, Toshi climbed back to his feet, glaring at black haired girl, "What I do is none of your business."

Yameru's grey eyes widened for a moment before she shouted back at him, "NONE OF MY BUSINESS! IT IS IF YOU KEEP DISGRACING THE FAMILY NAME. AND DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME MISTER!"

"I don't give it rat's ass about the family name!" Toshi retorted, raising his tone to match Yameru's, his temper flaring, "And just WHO THE HELL do you think are to tell me THAT?!"

The hazel haired seme shook his head, a tad bit embarrassed at the two siblings, silently wishing they wouldn't have to break out into a fight every time they were within a two feet radius of eachother. It was then that he finally noticed the poor freshman who was still clinging to his precious boxes of cake , eyes wide, obviously puzzled. Turning to the two squabbling Kurodas, he spoke, "Oi!"

Yameru turned to him, eyes gleaming. Oh, if only looks could kill. "What?" she spat.

Akanishi tilted his head, hands gesturing to his side, "It seems we got a scared cutie on our hands."

The eldest Kuroda followed his hand towards the frowning student that she recognized as one of the freshmen student representatives from the meeting. "Oh, crap," ignoring Toshi's yelling complaints she walked over towards the insomniac who stared back at her warily, slowly backing away from the obviously violent female. "Look, calm down, okay? We just want to talk." The jean clad freshman let his arms lower, but the stiffness in his back obviously said he still didn't trust them. Yameru let out a heavy sigh, the anger drifting away into light irritation, "As an apology, why don't we help you out?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Light raised the steaming cup of jasmine tea up to his lips, eyes still fixed on the figure that sat on the bed before him. The girl had entered his dorm without a second thought, skipping in almost. Did the girl have no fear? Or was she just stupid? Letting the thoughts fade from his head, he put the cup down on the small desk to his right where he usually did his work. The reason why she came did not matter, because she was going to leave soon anyways, Light wasn't much of a people person after all.

"Excuse me," the girl looked up, curious as to what he might say, "but why do you have a band aid on your nose, or you hurt?"

Her dark, grey eyes blinked, a small smile coming to her lips as she thought about it, hand coming up to graze the adhesive, "Oh! Me and my twin brother, we both wear one—he has one right here, " she shifted her hand to rest under her left eye, "we decided to wear it, to just kind of well actually…" she trailed off, hand dropping down back into her lap, "I don't know why we wear it."

Light rose a brow, "Well that's kind of," he gritted his teeth, he hated saying this word, "cute." He silently scoffed, band aids for no reason, all that would do is hurt the skin and make them look like idiots.

The girl's smile widened, but then her body drooped, and let out a soft sigh, "I guess it is huh? We get that a lot from people. But our family's not so great, we're always fighting, especially my elder sister and brother—I wish they wouldn't act like they hated each other so much. Today, too—me and my brother got into a fight, and now I don't even think I have the nerve to go see him."

Light took another sip from his cup again, to mask his rolling eyes. So this was the beginning of the female population's infamous venting session, "I'm sorry to hear that."

She shook her head, black tipped hair flying, "Oh, no, please don't be. But…" her eyes widened in realization, body seeming to spring. You could practically see the light bulb go off above her head, "if it's okay…would I be able to stay here for a night, " she bit her bottom lip nervously, fingers twiddling around the cup she held, "just once, until I make it up with my brother."

Light was about to upright reject the idea when there was a sudden commotion outside, the room filling up with the shouts and screams coming from the hallway. Irritated, Light stood, going to confront the rude brats who were interrupting his conversation. But as he took his first step to the door, he was subdued by none other than the thing girl he had just been talking to, her hands fisted in his shirt, body shaking. "Please don't open the door, please! It's my brother, don't let him in, please!"

Confused, the auburn haired freshman grabbed her hands, trying to pry her fingers off him, but the next thing he knew, he was tangled and falling onto the carpeted floor—his face centimeters away from the girl, the slamming of a door being opened harshly, and a chorus of screams .

Oh shit, was all he could think of.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

L blinked at the sight before him, silently wondering how things had come to this. 'Oh yes that's right,' he reminded himself, 'that's how.' After the sophomore's, whose name he discovered was Toshi, Yameru had offered to help him carry his beloved cake back to his dorm. It was an offer L couldn't reject after all; there was a lot to carry.

So now, he stood slouched, lollipop dangling loosely from his lips, the Kuroda siblings struggling with the mountain of white boxes in front of him, and Akanishi Masahiro standing to his side, trying to make a move on him.

The taller, hazel haired senior flashed a grin at the candy connoisseur, "I wouldn't mind playing with your lollipop," he said, winking.

L blinked up at him, utterly perplexed and mildly disturbed, mouth tightening protectively around his strawberry lollipop, "Senpai, you can get diseases like that you know."

The man deemed Hiro gave him a surprised look, "Ew, don't tell me you have herpes!"

L frowned at the odd man before him, "Excuse me?"

There was a grunt to their side and an annoyed sigh, "Hiro, stop trying to molest the freshman!"

The hunk smirked, "No, _this_, is molesting."

L let out a small, startled whelp as he found Akanishi's hand groping at his ass. He had backed up a few steps, knees clutching together as a defensive measure as he watched Yameru proceed to kick the living hell out of her fellow senior representative, wincing as she aimed a blow at the pervert's crotch, screaming all the while about how he should behave properly.

Toshi the sophomore joined in on the fight, shouting about how hitting guys in that place was cruel and unusual and should never be done, and soon enough the entire hallway rang with their screams and shouts. L felt a frown tug at his lips, as he wondered how he ever got caught up with these kinds of people.

Fortunately enough for L who was starting to fear that his sanity and cake were going to be damaged; they reached his dorm room which meant he'd be rid of these nuisances in just a few minutes. The thought made him crack a smile; soon he'd be able to dig into those sweet, delicious cakes without having to endure much more idiocy. He couldn't wait for that moment.

Opening the front door that was already unlocked, he slipped off his shoes waiting as the other three piled into the small room. All of a sudden, there was a crash from the bedroom and they all rushed in to see what had caused the commotion, the four of them stumbling over each other as they went to inspect the source of the noise and sat their nosy curiosity.

There, on the ground was Yagami Light with a girl pinned underneath him, their legs tangled, noses touching almost as if they were about to lock lips.

All hell broke loose.

"AIKO?! YOU BASTARD GET OFF OF HIM."

"YOU FUCKING ASS, GET OFF MY LITTLE BROTHER!"

"WHAT? SHE'S A HE?"

"OMFG, YES! ORGYYAY!

"Yagami-kun…you pervert."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Tehehehehe, let's see if you can match with who said what, a cookie for whoever guesses correctly.

But yay, finally Idiot's Guide is updated. There's a bunch going on in this chapter, and a whole lot of original characters, but thanks for reading all the way through! If there's any confusion, please just ask :D—stay in tune for the next chapter, and remember to review.

-brokenseraphim and sporkable


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